Circular

A painting on a circular substrate of a woman wearing a vibrant red gown and one leg peeking out.  Her wild black hair flows from her head to the edges of the circle and wraps around the border.
A Foot Forward, acrylic, Golden glass bead gel, Prismacolor ebony pencil and Posca paint pen on round
wood substrate. 12" diameter by Lea K. Tawd.

 

These three little round paintings (the other two are below) are part of a larger series that I am currently calling "Fulll Circle."  They each speak in some way to my process of grieving and healing after losing my husband (and several more losses since). 

A Foot Forward on a day when I am feeling tentatively better and ready to take some small step into the life I dream of. Steps back may come later, because the nature of grief is circular in itself. I feel I am moving on, and then I am taken down again.  Back and forth, gaining a little more ground each time.  But the grief is always there, coloring both the hurt and the healing.

 

A painting of a vuluptuous woman in a hot pink and white dress, with brown hair that flows behind her.  There is a golden moon behind her head and the background is a dark purple.  Here eyes are close, pensive.
Expansive, acrylic, Golden glass bead gel, Prismacolor ebony pencil paper and Posca paint pen on round
wood substrate. 12" diameter by Lea K. Tawd.

 

Expansive for those glorious days (or moments within days) when I am fully in my power, regulated, inspired, and ready to shine.  I am filled with gratitude, hope and a certainty of the good-ness that life has to offer.

 

Round painting of a sleeping woman. Her right arm and part of her breast are uncovered; a teal blanket covers the rest of her.  Her black hair spills up and around and forms a heart shape.  The background is a vivid red. Inside the heart are white marks that look like angels or spirits.  White dots flow from around the woman's head, representing energy.

I Dreamed We Were Together, but We Were a Part, acrylic, Golden glass bead gel, Prismacolor ebony pencil and
Posca paint pen on round wood substrate. 12" diameter by Lea K. Tawd.

 

I Dreamed We Were Together but We Were a Part, for the dreams that continue to haunt and heal. 

Ever since I lost my husband, I have had dreams that he was home again.  For the first year or so after he died, I dreamed he would be home, but he wasn't supposed to be there--he was supposed to be in the hospital being taken care of and I spent endless anxious dreams trying to get him back there. These dreams transformed to ones in which he had died like in real life, and he was back home, but I couldn't figure out how he got there or how to integrate him back into our lives.  "I got rid of your stuff," I would apologize and try to explain. When I awoke, I would have a moment of confusion in which I couldn't tell if the dream was real or not.

Finally these haunting dreams have turned into less frequent ones that feel more like visitations and healing for both of us.  My mind has finally come to terms with what happened and the shock and confusion has worn off.  Todd can come and visit, and it feels like we are really together.  Often even more so than when he was alive. 

 

Grief is a strange and ever-changing beast.  There are more paintings in this series that I will share in the coming weeks and months and I feel it is a theme that will continue in my work for a long time.  I wonder, what do these paintings speak to you?  Do you relate to them in the same way, or do you see something else in them?  I would love to know.

By the way, these are all for sale--just click on the image of the ones you are interested in to find out more about them and to purchase. 

I'll see you next week.

 

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